Today, I’m going to talk more about insecurity. I wish I could claim how secure I am as a person <especially now that I’m forty, but it’s just not the case. If you are wondering why I’m sharing this about myself, maybe this blog isn’t for you or maybe it is or maybe you forgot I’m writing naked.
It’s not easy being vulnerable especially since I feel like I’m gonna get this figured out soon so why talk about it. Now might be a good time to share my favorite quote by Brene Brown.
You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.
It’s not that I am suddenly aware of all my insecurities, but it has been a rough go leading up to forty. I’ve been struggling as a person <for lack of a better word, and in my relationships–mostly in my marriage. I tend to keep friendships at a distance, but I’m working on changing that.
I used to believe my husband and I were supposed to complete each other. All thanks goes to Jerry Maguire who had me at hello in 1996. I’ve grown over the years and believe marriage is more of a companionship. Completion is nothing more than a successful forward pass.
Don’t be too concerned about that struggling marriage comment. Tension is just on the high side these days. I’m discovering a big part of that has to do with my own insecurity. I am aware marriage involves another human person [who I love very much btw] but I can’t look to him for validation.
God help anyone who looks to me for validation. I’m not talking about validating feelings, but a person’s self-worth. My humanness can only get me so far which is another reason why I point my people to Jesus. So what does validation even mean? Google gave me this.
To validate is to prove that something is based on truth or fact, or is acceptable. It can also mean to make something, like a contract, legal. You may need someone to validate your feelings, which means that you want to hear, “No, you’re not crazy.”
I have a habit of depending on others to validate me as a person. I confuse validation of my feelings with validation of me. It appears even Google is confused about feelings vs. identity. Maybe you are confused too. Someone tell me I’m not crazy. Anyone?
This is Day 25 of a 31-day series on writing naked. You can find the series in its entirety HERE.
This does not involve the removal of actual clothing. So please! keep them on!