On Friday morning, while emptying the dishwasher, I asked God what He wants me to do with my life which had nothing to do with the dishes, I don’t think. I multi-task, or at least I try. Besides, I am well aware that doing dishes is already a God-ordained task.
I am also aware he has me right where I am supposed to be, but I am getting restless.
Generally speaking, I already know part of the answer to my question. I’m not one to concern myself with going only this way or that, although I used to have this kind of mentality. In my late 20’s and early 30’s I was fearful of stepping outside of His so-called will for my life. (Ack-don’t start a thread on that). I used to believe I was on a Plan B track which led me into a constant state of striving.
It took some time, but I finally discovered God’s perfect plan.
It was simply to find Him in the midst of my own mess.
I choose not to believe in Plan A’s and Plan B’s (but if you do, that’s okay). Instead, I believe God gives us more of a calling but sometimes I overthink what I should be doing in the day to day. And really, here’s the thing: Get up. Do some things! Be kind. Lately, He’s been telling me to BE STILL. Maybe He’s telling you the same.
It never hurts to ask for a little guidance. For me, it’s an ongoing thing.
Should I go back to school? Take out another loan? Become a teacher? Look into social work? What if I pursue the one thing I am most passionate about? Writing. I have so much to learn. Maybe writing is just a way to keep me out of therapy. It is unsettling, not knowing all the answers.
I drove myself to Starbucks, ordered a Tall Flat White and an Egg Bacon Gouda Sandwich.
Food somehow makes wrestling with thoughts a little easier. But slowly they faded away. I overheard a woman clearly upset about this and that. Whoever she was with, looked more and more uncomfortable. He stared at his drink and shifted back and forth in his seat. I could tell she was trying to be calm, but her words were harsh. I overheard a man who sounded like a counselor, trying to offer encouraging words to a man across the table. I rarely ever see a man cry, except when I watch sappy romantic movies with my husband. He is a train wreck. I’m only kidding. This was different. This man was broken.
This world is broken.
I spent most of the day doing nothing productive and the time passed quickly by. I had to pick my daughter up from school, but later that night I came across a blog post by one of my new online blogger/writer friends and it resonated with my heart, so much I will probably read it again. Here is just a glimpse of what she says. I highly recommend reading the whole thing.
I’m wondering how many adventures I’ve delayed, missed out on, or ignored altogether because I was waiting for that big flashing sign to spell it out for me. To give me permission to proceed.
So much of life is simply choices.
What if I already have all the permission I need to pursue the dream God gave me? What if I just need to be brave enough to choose it?
The uncomfortable truth is that everything in life truly worth pursuing involves some amount of risk.
It gave me reassurance. A coincidence? I highly doubt. I believe God still wants me to rest in Him but also think he is telling me to just be brave. So tomorrow, I’m going to get up, do some things, work on being kind, and BRAVE.
I challenge you to do the same.