Um hi. Hello. Where have you been? I haven’t talked to you for a couple days now. I hope you are well. I was going to say Happy Friday, but I’m supposed to pretend that today is yesterday, so how ’bout this? How was your Thursday err uh, today? It’s not really workin’ is it. Oh well. I missed a day. I’m still gonna back date this to yesterday but that’s just between you and me.
Instead of moving on, I sorta feel like I hit a wall. I hate it when that happens, but this is kinda what it feels like in my life right now. I’ve been there, done that, I need to move on, or want to anyway. I do not need to deal with some of these issues because I should be over them by now. Right? Wrong. Dang it, I hate it when I’m right. < not usually the case, but I don’t like to admit things.
And because I haven’t had enough sleep, here come those dang tears. My lack of sleep is the only reason why I’m crying, just so you know. Please don’t send me an email on hormones and whatever else. I’m an adult, I can figure this stuff out. < That there is defensiveness. It’s been looking pretty ugly these days. I don’t know why I feel like I have to stick up for myself. All. The. Time.
Plus (more justification coming) remember I have Jesus, and books, lots of books, and plenty of medication. < Did I just say that? It’s a good thing we’re going straight to Friday after this, and if I don’ t finish this up soon, it will already be Saturday. It is kind of ironic and funny (not haha funny) how this post is a reflection of what’s been going on with me this week, or more like this year.
I’m over that striving thing! or so I thought. It’s like looking back at all the things you’ve overcome only to turn around and bam! where’d that wall come from? Plus I’m working on that balance thing. I haven’t had much of it lately because I’ve been too preoccupied with my blog. Oh plus I work, plus I clean, plus I cook, plus I fold some things. For the record, I love those people on my home page very much.
But I’ve been preoccupied with “doing” instead of “being.” It causes a ripple effect in my marriage and with my children–in not just one, but two ways. Both are going against me right now. ONE, when I fall short on the “doing,” and I do, guilt is quick to follow (typically my own) adding strain on the relationships in my home. And TWO, when I’ve got things I need (or want) to do and don’t spend enough time with my ppl, more strain, more guilt, more striving.
I’m not the only one who goes through this, tell me you go through this.
As for the real actual Thursday, (yesterday, but shhh) it was a great day. Those sweet little elementary kiddos were a-MA-zing. Best day in awhile. I know, random, but I want to end this post on a positive note because it feels very negative, unhelpful. I guess it’s just me being real which is what I set out to do anyway. Still gonna backdate this post though.
Actually, you know what? I’m not. Ack, it’s gonna kill me to go from day five to day seven. But yikes, I think I have to. It’s not what I want to do at all. I wanted this 31-day challenge thing to be 100% successful but that looks a lot like striving to me when the one thing I set out to do is embrace imperfection. Um hi. Hello. Where have I been?
This is Day 7 of a 31-day series on writing naked. You can find the series in its entirety HERE.
This does not involve the removal of actual clothing. So please! keep them on!